The Sixth Wheel
by ClariceLecter
Summary: A fanfic based on the crime comedy DISORGANIZED CRIME. It turns out that Frank Salazar invited a fifth person to Montana to assist in his bank heist...
1. The Sixth Wheel, Part One

THE SIXTH WHEEL   
a DISORGANIZED CRIME fanfic   
by Clarice_Lecter   
  
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Max Green, Carlos Barrios, Ray Forgy, Nick Bartkowski, Frank Salazar, and others are the exclusive property of Jim Kouf and Touchstone Pictures. The character of Laura "LC" Haggerty is my own. No infringement of any kind is intended.   
  
"All I know," Carlos Barrios mused as he began the journey from the hideout to town with his partners Ray Forgy and Max Green, "is that I'm gonna kick Nick's ass after the job is over. And then, I'm gonna run him over with the new car."   
Max grinned as he puffed on his cigarette. "It's good to have a goal in life," he chirped.   
"What I want to know is, what happened to this LC Haggerty who was supposed to join us?" Ray now asked. "Frank's not here, Haggerty's not here - Jesus, what gives already?"   
"Maybe LC didn't want to take the bus to Montana," Carlos replied. "That still don't explain Frank not showing up when he was supposed to - !"   
"Cool it, Carlos," Max retorted. "We don't know whether LC - !"   
Before Max could finish, a white four-door sedan with the high-beams on came to a halt in front of them. "What the Hell!" Max exclaimed.   
"Is that a cop?" Ray chimed in.   
Within seconds, all three men had their pistols drawn. "Okay, who's in there?" Carlos demanded. "We ain't fuckin' around!"   
"Get out of the car," Ray added. "Nice and slow...no bullshit..."   
As if in response, the driver of the vehicle opened the door. "Hellfire, boys, if ah knew ah'd git this kinda reception, ah wouldn't'a come!" a sweet, drawling female voice answered.   
Upon hearing the voice, a look of recognition crawled across Max's face. "Laura?" he asked.   
Carlos and Ray lowered their pistols after Max did, then turned to look at him. "Max, you know this chica?" Carlos asked.   
The woman exited the car. She was wearing a faded denim jacket, similar to Ray's, with faded blue jeans, a black tank-top, and hiking boots. Her golden blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail, her cat-like green eyes almost luminous in the headlamps' light...she was a beautiful woman, about 23, 24. In the backseat was her heavy duffel bag, and on the passenger side was her backpack.   
"Well, ah'll be damned if it ain't Max Green!" she squealed, running from the car into Max's warm embrace. "Ah didn't know you were here!"   
Now Ray was at a loss. "Waitaminute...you wouldn't be...?"   
Laura and Max turned to the other two men. "Laura Catherine Haggerty? Lemme guess...you thought LC was a guy, didn't ya?"   
"God, I should've known," Max beamed. "How come you were late?"   
"That's easy. Some asshole named Nick Bartkowski stole mah wheels while ah did a stopover in Reno. He said he was headed to Montana, same as me, an' when mah fuckin' back was turned he hotwired mah car an' took off! I've been thumbin' it fer the past week..."   
"Sounds familiar," Ray replied. "Nick stole our wheels earlier today, that's why we're on foot."   
"You could've gotten hurt, Laura," Carlos now said. In response, Laura brought out her own .38 revolver as they returned to the hideout.   
"Why do you think ah carry this damn thing? It ain't to kill possum."   
"It pays to be prepared, then," Ray giggled. "So where'd you get the ride?"   
They reentered the hideout and sat in the living room, where Max helped Laura set down her bags before they all sat down. "Ah was walkin' outta town an' came to that big bridge over the river. A couple assclowns from New Jersey had left the keys in the ignition, so ah pretty much lucked out...hey, Max, couldja spare a cigarette for this ol' girl?"   
Max brought out his Salems and offered her one. "Thanks, sugar," she cooed as she lit up.   
Ray went to the fridge to get everyone a beer. "Laura, is Coors okay?" he asked.   
"Works for me, I'm thirstier than a polecat in heat," she joked.   
  
"So how do you and Max know each other?" Carlos asked as the conversation progressed.   
"Ah met him two years ago in Central Georgia Correctional," Laura replied.   
"That was when I was in the last year of a five for larceny," Max added. "Laura was serving six months for shoplifting...I helped her out when a couple guys tried to rape her near the cafeteria."   
"Big Max saved mah hide that day," Laura whispered admiringly, giving him a peck on the cheek as she spoke. "Ah'll never be able to fully pay him back fer what he did..."   
"I helped her keep it together on the inside, and after she got out we stayed in touch. Taught her a few things about explosives and electronics, too..."   
"I thought you 'didn't like working with young,'" Ray teased.   
"This young lady's more than just a beautiful face and a great body," Max chirped. "I told you last night, the smartest thing I did was to stop working with stupid people. And believe me, Laura's not got a stupid bone in her body."   
Laura sipped her beer, then puffed some more on her cigarette. "Ah still feel awful 'cause ah let mah guard down about that Nick fella," she admitted.   
"Don't feel bad, he swerved us, too," Carlos grinned. "But remember, when we get Nick out of jail, I get to kick his ass first."   
Max then remembered why they'd started from the hideout in the first place. "We're still gonna need a getaway car after the job is done," he said. "If we use Laura's car straight through, we're gonna be in deep shit."   
"Well, we'd better get a move-on," Laura offered. She began to stand up, but Max stopped her.   
"Oh, no you don't," he said softly, placing a gentle hand under her chin and tilting her face up to the light. "If my guess is correct, young lady, you've not slept in days."   
"But Max, ah want t'help you - !" she protested, but he'd have none of it.   
"You have helped us by bringing that car. And now you need to sleep," he insisted, his gently stern tone giving way to a smile. "Now c'mon, Laura, you don't want to argue with an old fart, do ya?"   
Laura smiled back at him. "Naw, ah reckon you're right. Jus' let me finish mah cigarette an' ah'll take mah night-nights."   
"Good girl," Max whispered.   
  
Ray and Carlos now saw an opportunity to get to know her better. "Wait, Max, somebody's gonna have to stay with her and keep watch while she's asleep," Ray suggested. "If you want me to - !"   
"Or me! I'll be glad to keep her company!" Carlos also offered.   
Immediately Max saw right through them. "Uh-huh. You two young bucks would love to stay home with Laura, wouldn't you?" he teased. "Think you might be able to sweet-talk her, maybe knock boots, as it were?"   
The looks on their faces gave them away. "Max, you're embarrassing us!" Ray giggled, his face flushing beet-red. All Carlos could do was laugh guiltily.   
Max nodded. "I thought so. That's why I'M staying with Laura while you two go hunt up another car."   
"YOU'RE staying with her?!" Carlos piped up. "C'mon, Max!"   
"Don't argue with him," Ray replied, sensing the renewed sternness in Max's pale blue eyes.   
"Y'won't find anything else near that bridge, so ah'd look fer somethin' in town," Laura now suggested, giving Ray the keys.   
"Preferably something nobody will notice right off," Max added. "As long as it runs worth a shit, we'll be okay."   
"Gotcha," Carlos replied. "C'mon, Raymundo."   
Just before Carlos and Ray left, Ray couldn't resist. "Hey, don't you crazy kids do anything we wouldn't do," he teased, prompting Laura to grab one of the throw pillows on the sofa and throw it as he and Carlos went out the door.   
  
As they went to the car, Carlos had, what he deemed, was a disturbing thought. "Hey, man, d'you think ol' Max'll try somethin' with that chica?" he asked.   
"Oh, jeez, Carlos, you are one sick man," Ray giggled. "He's old enough to be her grandpa, at least - !"   
"But that don't mean he's dead! You saw how they was huggin' when she got here! Are you sayin' he ain't got anymore ammo in his cannon?"   
Ray started the ignition after they got in. "Let me put it this way. If Max were a car, she'd have a Helluva time cranking him on a cold morning. I don't even want to think about it."   
  
Max had overheard the conversation from the door, chortling to himself as Ray and Carlos drove off. "What's so funny, big guy?" Laura asked, rising from the sofa and walking up to him after he locked the door.   
"Just something I heard Ray and Carlos talking about before they left," he admitted. "Something about you having a hard time cranking me up on a cold morning if I were a car, and something else about me lacking ammo for my cannon."   
Laura knew exactly what Max was talking about, and lightly trailed her fingertip over his wrist. "Ah seem to remember somethin' you told me a long time ago," she whispered, her fingers now trailing suggestively up his arm.   
Max's eyes softened, his long fingers brushing her ambergold hair from her soft jade eyes. "What was that?"   
Laura smiled. "Age and experience will always, always overcome youth and skill."   
Max tenderly kissed her eyebrow, then the bridge of her nose. "You remembered," he breathed, cupping Laura's face in his hands before his lips descended upon hers hungrily.   
Max kissed as well as Laura had remembered, his experienced tongue exploring her mouth so perfectly that she couldn't help her trembling. She clutched at his white dress shirt, his gelled hair, as he began leaving trails of kisses over her face and neck.   
"God, ah've missed you," Laura sighed, her body molding to that of her much older mentor and lover as he walked her into the bedroom...   
  
Far up in the woods, Frank Salazar had managed to get away from the nest of fire ants to seek refuge in the river once again. He was about to tippytoe into the water when his foot hit a rock, stubbing Hell out of his big toe.   
"ShitshitSHIT!!!" Frank whined, doing the stumble, fumble and fall into the water, getting completely drenched.   
Immediately he remembered the Jersey cops still on his ass, trying to regain his bearings as he let the cool water soothe the stings he felt from nearly becoming Fire Ant Chow moments ago. He had to be quiet, though...he couldn't spend all night in the river, not when he needed to get to Max, Laura and the rest of the guys...   
  
END OF PART ONE 


	2. The Sixth Wheel, Part Two

THE SIXTH WHEEL, Part Two   
by Clarice_Lecter   
  
It was almost three hours before Ray and Carlos returned to the hideout. Ray was driving a Family Cruiser station wagon he'd stolen from a residential neighborhood, with Carlos close behind in Laura's car, and they were surprised to see the lights out.   
They parked the cars in the garage, then started inside. "I thought Max was gonna stay up 'til we got back," Carlos said in an agitated tone.   
"Give the guy a break, he's not as young as we are," Ray replied. "Maybe he needed some sleep, too."   
"Yeah, don't we all."   
They reentered the house, Ray turning on a lamp before heading to the bedroom. "Think we should let 'em know we're back?"   
"If they're asleep, there's no sense waking them u - !"   
It was then Carlos noticed the bedroom door was closed. "I don't remember the door being shut last night," Carlos now said.   
"Carlos, she's a girl, hello?" Ray retorted. "A girl needs her privacy. Still, it wouldn't hurt to check on 'em."   
They looked in the other rooms, thinking Max had crashed in one of them. When they realized he wasn't sleeping in any of them, they got totally confused.   
"You don't think...?" Carlos now asked.   
"I told you before, he's old enough to be her grandpa," Ray replied. "I'll prove it to you. If he IS in there with her, chances are he's sleeping on the floor."   
"So open the door, hot shot."   
"Gladly."   
A smug look crossed Ray's face as he slowly opened the door. "There," he said, not yet looking into the room as they began to walk in, "what did I tell - !"   
When Ray turned around, he and Carlos got a surprise neither of them had looked for. "Oh, my God!" Carlos exclaimed upon seeing Max and Laura cuddled in the bed.   
Laura had unzipped her sleeping bag into a blanket before she and Max had gone to bed. Their clothes lay scattered on the floor, right down to their underwear, and it appeared she'd inadvertently popped a couple of his shirt buttons while they were undressing.   
An open box of condoms lay on the nightstand nearby. One of them had been used, and judging by the fingernail scratches across Max's back and the love bites on their necks this had been a very passionate tryst.   
"So much for Laura having a tough time cranking HIM up on a cold morning," Carlos mused.   
"C'mon, let's get some sleep," Ray whispered, "we don't want to wake up the lovebirds."   
  
Carlos and Ray awakened the next morning to the feverish sounds of Max and Laura's lovemaking. "Not again," Ray whined, rising from his chair to start a pot of coffee.   
"Some guys have all the fucking luck," Carlos grumbled, stumbling off the sofa before heading into the bathroom to take a shower.   
"Tell me about it."   
Max and Laura finally emerged from the bedroom half an hour later. Laura had put on Max's dress shirt, while he'd pulled on his slacks and put his t-shirt on. "'Bout time you two came up for air," Ray teased as Max and Laura sat at the kitchen table, their faces giving away their afterglow.   
"Don't you start," Max half-warned, lighting up two cigarettes and giving one to Laura, "Laura and I hadn't seen each other in awhile."   
"So you were playing catch-up?"   
"I told you, smartass, don't start."   
"Guys, don't fight," Laura said in a sweetly sleepy tone. "We've still gotta get Fuckwad Nick outta jail, remember?"   
Max softly held her hand. "She's right, y'know. How'd you and Carlos do getting another car?"   
Ray poured four cups of coffee, then sat at the table with them. "It took us awhile, but we managed to find a station wagon in one of the bedroom communities. It's parked in the garage next to Laura's other ride."   
Laura and Max looked at each other, then she picked up the newspaper and swatted Ray with it. "Now don't you pull a Nick Bartkowski on me!" she scolded.   
"Hey, take it easy! What do you mean 'pull a Nick - !'"   
Then it dawned on Ray. "That asshole hit on you in Nevada, didn't he?"   
"Hell, yes. When ah told him ah was taken, he wouldn't let up. When he was here a couple days ago, did y'all notice he had a shiner?"   
"Yeah."   
"Ah'm the one who gave it to him. He backed down when we stopped at a gas station to fuel up, acted like he was sorry an' ever'thang. But when ah went in t'pay fer the gas, he took mah car an' left me hangin'."   
Carlos had overheard the conversation during his shower, and came out to join them after he'd dried off and put on a clean pair of jeans. "Does Nick know about you an' Max?" he asked.   
"All Nick knows is ah have a fella. He don't know it's Max, at least not yet. Ah'm just dyin' t'see the look on his face when he realizes LC Haggerty happens t'be me."   
Max squeezed her hand gently. "Take it easy, babe, we don't know what his bail's gonna be set at yet," he said before looking at his watch. "We have to be in court a few minutes before nine. It's seven now, so we'd better hurry."   
  
END OF PART TWO 


End file.
